Eugene with a capital EEE.

i have just returned back to planet california from OUR nation's capital Washington D.C. although i am technically an illegal monster. (i'm studying for the citizenship test... hoping there is actually a ship involved) i consider myself an american or at least plutonian-american. so i went to Washington D.C. to see what america is actually about... from the founding fathers perspective, and the faces on money (it's all about the hamiltons baby!). well, what i discovered about washingtion is that... they do a ton of wash there. seriously. a ton. those monuments are spotless!

casting call for animals, birds, and of course MONSTERS!

so for all of my plutonian peeps out there, i have finally completed the first rough draft of my screenplay entitled "Eugene Saint Francis of Assisi: patron saint of animals, birds, and monsters." I call it a rough draft because it's written on sand paper... it was the only paper i found in my writing tool box. after i finished, i realized that sand paper was not originally intended for writing. then i looked at my hands and realized they were not intended for writing either. but i still give the play two thumbs up. sock monkey will play a franciscan MONKey, Nick will play an animal, and Heather of course... a bird. Now i just need a few fellow monsters to join in the fun. how 'bout it? i will be having an open casting call tomorrow starting at 2am. i know most monsters don't come out of the closet/underneath the bed until around midnight so it should give you some time to practice your lines. see you then!


take 1. quiet on the set.... and ACTION!....

just practicing.

the golden gate...bridge.

nick and heather took me and my new friend sock (monkey) across the golden gate bridge. we glided across in a big white boat on wheels. i believe they called it a ford taurus. i stuck my head out the window to breathe in the fresh bay air and wished for a moment i knew how to swim. i hear the golden gate bridge is a very popular spot to jump off and go for a little swim. i didn't have my swim trunks or my floaties so i thought heather might get a little P.O.ed if i took the plunge. sock monkey (who likes to hang up-side-down from things whilst eating a banana) said he would like to "hang" out next time... the big white boat on wheels kept truckin' and soon enough we were off of the bridge and on a crowded freeway. i don't know why they call it "free". i guess in the monetary sense. i made a few dollars off of sock in the backseat while we were stuck in traffic playing a game of slugbug. i also got the pleasure of hitting him everytime i saw a bug. most of them were smashed on the windshield. soon enough we were off of that concrete highway and on a rocky beach surrounded by nature. then nature called, so i had to sneak off quickly by pretending the wind blew me away. nick took some pictures of me and sock laxing on a rock. will post them soon.

i miss nick and his biological make-up.

yes. it's true. i miss nick and his 501 genes. girls have a different type of make-up. even though i am slightly androgenous, i lean towards the male monster side and sometimes being around so many females can be a little overwhelming. but i am taking notes on my observations of the female species. here are some short-hand (i have short hands) notes i've been taking....

habits in a female habitat...

they have pets called closets. these closets eat clothes. girls feed their closets so many clothes that their poor closets throw up all over the place and regurgitated clothes are strown everywhere. but they don't care. they still wear the closet's barf they call "outfits." then they ask each other whether they look good. the reply is always "yes." they paint their faces with what they refer to as make-up. one time they tried to put this red crayon stuff on my line mouth... they said it was a stick for lips and it would make my lips look pouty and bring out my eyes. then out of nowhere a dress came flying and hit me in the kisser. i never thought i would like closet spew but i thanked the bulimic house of clothes for saving me. sometimes they have pillow fights... i don't mind that, as long as they don't mistake me for a pillow. although i am pretty comfy.

planet hollywood

i finally landed on planet hollywood...no not the cheesy restaurant chain endorsed by the governator and sly stallone. it's the land of many rare celebrity species. on my first day, i stepped out of my hotel and to my surprise the pavement was being repaved... i had my ray bans on so my sight was a little skewd and i fell into the wet cement face first leaving hand, feet, and face prints. instead of going biserk (a plutonian colloquialism for crazy) i called my agent and signed my name eugene francis. although it was no hollywood blvd. i gave it two thumb up. although, it is getting harder and harder to move my limbs. i think the cement has dried. i spend the day reciting charles bukowski poems while drinking an apple juice.

Outrage

Today, a bunch of scientists in Prague decided that my home planet, Pluto is just an object-- a dwarf planet. It may be small, it may only pass the sun every 250 years, but some monsters still call it home. I may be small but i'm not a dwarf. There are only 1.2 million people living in Prague, I say its a village. This is bullshit.

happy birthday nicolas!

breakout the champagne and the monster f***** condiments. ketchup is my favorite condiment. so for nick's birthday i gave him a big bottle of heinz ketchup... and let him preview my upcoming calendar photos. he liked this one the best....

postcard from dubba ya...

today i recieved a postcard from the president. it read:
"dear eugene,

here in our nation's capital the temperature is over 100 degrees. so why's my approval rate-ing below 35 percent? this foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating. but then again i am the master of low expectations. i miss you, eugene.

love, george"

i'm not quite sure what he meant. but i did notice the handwriting looked kind of funny. i had a mute handwriting specialist look at it to determine whether or not it was written by the president himself. and.... being a mute handwriting specialist myself, i came to the conclusion that it's legit. just two questions... why did he spray the postcard with some sort of cologne that smells like urine? and how did he find me in latvia? do you think he saw my blog? strange. maybe he's got me mixed up with another monster. he does know plenty of them.