happy birthday nicolas!

breakout the champagne and the monster f***** condiments. ketchup is my favorite condiment. so for nick's birthday i gave him a big bottle of heinz ketchup... and let him preview my upcoming calendar photos. he liked this one the best....

postcard from dubba ya...

today i recieved a postcard from the president. it read:
"dear eugene,

here in our nation's capital the temperature is over 100 degrees. so why's my approval rate-ing below 35 percent? this foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating. but then again i am the master of low expectations. i miss you, eugene.

love, george"

i'm not quite sure what he meant. but i did notice the handwriting looked kind of funny. i had a mute handwriting specialist look at it to determine whether or not it was written by the president himself. and.... being a mute handwriting specialist myself, i came to the conclusion that it's legit. just two questions... why did he spray the postcard with some sort of cologne that smells like urine? and how did he find me in latvia? do you think he saw my blog? strange. maybe he's got me mixed up with another monster. he does know plenty of them.

wild dance of blue cows

i was walking down the street, i was shufflin' my feet. i was snappin' my fingers to the beat of the song playin' in my head... "hey! what's a matter man. we gonna come around at 12 with some poor rigan girls who're just dyyyyyyin' to meetcha...." i heard their bells ring as they walked down the street. they wear those killer high hooves. "mooooooo," they say, but i never pay any attention to them anyway. heffers.

musical eugenius

i'm having an exhibition in our living room this week. entitled rock musika. other drawings include prodigy, the backstreet boys, madonna (circa ray of light), and the counting crows. there will be a reception of cookies and milk. please join me and my new squirrelfriend. isn't she cute...